hard fire

it's hard. because i feel so scattered and un-care-free to be on the blog like i used to be.
and that is life and it's ok. really. but every now and again i feel the need to chime in because it's not quite time to close the book on it. i've been working hard and been able to do some fun things that are meaningful to me. to make things that people see and then do more is truly a gift.
but right now i'm thinking of music and thinking of these things:
i have a lot of records and used to get caught up in the object and then trying to get more records. all the records. but what is it that made me want the thing? the object? it is because the music. the music that made us want to do things and be more than what we were. or to remember the thing that was. or to be in the thing that is happening. and that is not contained in an object so maybe let's chill out on the object collection and remember that what is important is the thing that is un-grasp-able. it is the feeling and the sound.
speaking of:


holy crap, bruce. bruce reminds me (us) to not think i know so much. i remember being in college and having the feeling that bruce springsteen was terrible. and some guy i just met told me that nebraska was good and i thought "you are a maniac". but he was right. and i thought to myself maybe this whole idea that these musicians that everyone loves are terrible is wrong. why do i think i know so much? and it turns out that bruce has some things that did something for me. not everything, but some things. like this thing. thanks, bruce. zen boss. boss zen.

also:

i feel a tortoise chicago whatever phase coming on. dear family, i apologize in advance but not really. more on this later but maybe this is the jazz for me right now. maybe i felt some things before that need re-feeling.

and now i am going to go do the wii fit because that is what i do now. because i want to feel good and sometimes it's nice to play a dumb game while the kid sleeps and then watch a movie and go to bed early. it's another gift, really.