strugs

well here are again
kind of like the first time
but worse?
maybe now is a good time to start talking again, about how to push out a little, draw closer a little, just endure and get through things.
i tell you one thing i do, in fact, what i'm doing right now: i listen to jazz music in the kitchen. i can't listen to the news anymore, it's too frustrating and frightening to allow into my food preparation times. i deny it entrance through my attempted mellow gates. i cook dinner for my family and i find something like this to glide me along:

and then it leads to this:

and then by osmosis i am reminded of the unending ability and struggle of the human being to articulate itself and it's thoughts and it's feelings through sounds and art and notes and words. and before i know it's happening: i am existing in this present moment for a second and enjoying having electricity and not being sick and the potatoes i'm about to take out of the oven.
i'm going to try!
i'm also going to try to find a way to come back to writing on here, which i say every 3-6 months. what will work now that everything in my life is different? maybe it won't? let's see!
peace
peace
peace