notes on

take this pinecone, child

-so if you organize your books by color, how do you find the book you're looking for? do i have to remember that "the year of magical thinking" has a green spine if  i want to read it? i went into that installation at adobe and it was really incredible, but i couldn't find anything. which was fine because it was art. but i don't get it, man. do i have too many books? do people not really read their books?

-yesterday was father's day. it was my second as a dad. the kid went ahead and walked his first long solo steps. he wasn't doing it for me or even walking towards me (he was going to somebody he just emt and wanted to go down the stairs) but it was incredible. there was a brand new joyful and proud feeling i'd never had before. something truly outside of myself (but in?). what a thing!

-yesterday was also Go Skateboarding Day so i went to the local park to solo shred. when i began to shred i was reminded that i don't get out skating as much as i want to ever since the kid was born and that i am even more terrible at skateboarding than i have been in a very long time. that felt terrible. so i made the most of some cruising and carving and scratched out a few things. i'd love to blame it on the pretty crappy park (it is crappy) but really, i felt kind of old and embarrassed. i hereby resolve to not feel like that anymore by making time to shred regularly! seen!

-i am still trying to get the hang of all this parenthood and creative-hood and be-hood. man it's hard sometimes!

-i played music with my friend the other night in front of people. it was a show. we opened for a band another friend started. they are great! and popular! i had that thing where stiffened up in my mind and felt self-conscious and sucked into a whirlpool of negative vibrations and whispers. i then reminded myself that this is why it's ahrd to make things and do them in front of people! this is why it is difficult to offer things unto the universe at times! it is our job to push through these moments and continue to contribute! beside nobody remember and nobody cares! except me because i'll probably be thinking about it when i'm 85 years old and about what i wish i would have done differently so that people would like my music and therefore me. just kidding when i'm 85 i'll have it all figured out and be sitting in a lawn chair looking at something in the distance.